Well… For the first time in a long time I am feeling home sick.

My nephew just celebrated his 4th Birthday over the weekend back home and it took everything in me not to have a little cry fest to myself over missing him. The feeling has carried into my work week now and though I know I will shake it off, for right now the feeling is real and it is painful.

 

Thinking about everything and everyone I have back home is rough. From time to time I almost give into myself and say “fuck it, I’m going home”. But honestly that is a short term fix. If only home wasn’t so far away.

 

I came West for change, however I am struggling to try to bring back identical old routines from Saint John that for some reason I feel I need. Simple ones like a gym schedule or groceries. But with traffic and parking and work hours it all seems impossible.

 

Impossible.

 

I hate that word. Why is anything IMPOSSIBLE? It isn’t. You just need to find a way. One thing I am very good at is problem solving. So everyday I try to work out some sort of plan that gets me where I need to be by days end. If that means bringing gym clothes to work and going to that gym I HATE after work instead of my comfort zone gym, so be it. Am I going to bitch and complain and hate my life the entire time I am there. HELL NO! I am going to use that energy and throw some weights around! Turn that negative into a positive and guess what I get from all that? RESULTS.

 

After observing others recently I have come to realize that I am a straight up “Doer”. I don’t give up when there is a job to do. No matter how tired, hungry…HANGRY or fed up I may be. I get shit done and I do it RIGHT. It only fuels me more when others around me are doing the opposite and not pulling their weight.

I was raised tough. If I was asked to do something you best believe it was happening right now and then, and if I complained or whined… Lord help me! When I was finished if the task was incomplete or not up to my parents standards, you know I was doing it again and likely I was in trouble.

 

“DO IT RIGHT THE FIRST TIME OR DON’T DO IT AT ALL”…. Of course the second part of that threat was not an actual option.

 

My point is, life is hard. Life has struggles and pain and responsibility. All of which can be very unwelcomed. However, they all pass. Responsibilities will always remain, but generally they will morph into something a little different here and there to keep you on your toes. I think this is good. As for the struggles and pain, it is all just energy. It is your choice how you will direct it.

 

Optimistically speaking, things always get better in some way or another. I like to channel my negatives into strength and courage to get results. Why stay stationary in a unresulting state? I am continuously determined for results.

 

Do something about your unhappiness. No one else can do it for you as much as they may try. You need to CHOOSE to be happy,it is the only way to be successful in your path and wear a true to you smile.

 

I miss my friends, yes… However I stay in touch and send my love daily. I also nurture my friendships here. Maintaining worldwide friends! More friends = more love and endless support systems!

**Side note** try not to spend to much time nurturing a person who doesn’t give it back… It only brings you down… Trust me. You can love them forever from a far but don’t waste energy that others deserve from you.

 

I miss my family, yes… This one digs deep, but I know that my happiness makes them happy so my gift to them is to be the best I can be. And that has to be here right now.

 

I miss my routine!! Yes!!… I’m blaming my failures here on not having my old SJ routine, all because I think I was doing better home. FALSE. Work harder and find new ways to succeed.

 

Ok. Chin up Becca. You are doing fine. You aren’t missing anything, because you are where you are suppose to be. You are making choices for a better future that will bring all the above back together again and make you whole!

 

Be amazing everyone. Be optimistic! Be positive and let life direct you in the direction you belong. Take the curves with the zigs and the zags and the hills with the valleys. All building blocks of strength, wisdom and happiness.

 

I’ve got your back, please also have mine.

 

Xoxo

B