Tag: pth

Forever and Always

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I am a massive believer that everything happens for a reason.

If you have ever had a conversation with me I am sure it has come up once or twice.

You see, with everything that goes on in the world you kinda have to look for a light at the end of the tunnel. It took me years to figure it out, and the years brought me through a lot of pain, heartbreak, arguments, tears and even silence. But with the silence came wisdom and with the pain came experience. Even though it hurt badly in the moment I wouldn’t change most of it for the world.

Prime example, and to get a little bit personal…

My parents divorce.

At the ripe ol’ age of 13 my rents decided to call it quits. I can remember the evening they told us as clear as day and can bring myself to that exact emotional place no problem. It was a massive turning point in my life, and theirs.

Obviously no family break  up is a walk in the park, it was painful and numbing and everything you expect to feel when your entire life is turn upside down. It didn’t help that I was at the prime age for self destruction, and creating desperate attempts for attention was my thing. So I turned to many outlets to channel my anger, fear, resentment etc… and I made a ton of mistakes along the way. I am damn sure I almost gave my parents a million heart attacks (sorry guys xo) but the thing is, I have zero regrets. All those bad decisions led me to the path I am on today. For those of you who have travelled along with me and held on for dear life, THANK YOU… Your strength and encouragement helped me get through the storm.

As much as teenage Becca made it seem like the world revolved around her, It wasn’t just my path that was changing. My parents were starting over too. Eventually they went on to find new loves and even remarried. This was a bumpy road as a teenager but now as an adult I couldn’t be happier with the outcome. I have gained so much more then I’ve lost. My family has grown in ways that have blessed me with 2 new sisters, and 3 brothers! Which now has multiplied to include 11 nieces and nephews from both my blood siblings as well as my newbie/not so newbie step sibs! Not to mention the step parents I have been given, who have taken my brothers and I on as their own and I know will love us until the world ends. Each of them, in their own ways have bent over backwards for us kids and with double the parents means double the support. How lucky can we be?

With that being brought to light, I encourage you to embrace the hardships, live through the pain and take it all in, because you never know what will come from behind the dark clouds when they finally clear.

My family is always MY family, and moments like this one below will always be cherished BUT I wouldn’t want anything different xoxo

Full family pic goals 2016? Finlay/Hines?

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So… moving on.

My entire thought process on this post was made while thinking about my friends back home. Especially the MANY I have made in the last year. You see, I am a collector of people, all the people. If you have ever made me laugh chances are I have kept you in my back pocket 😉

This past year, well almost three years really, have been years of tremendous growth for me. I have reconnected with friends and family from my past, strengthened the bonds with the ones I have carried with me all along and made new relationships with people who have just entered my world. I am so grateful for every single one of you. Each one of your smiles and hugs make my life a million times better and worth living!

I don’t care where you come from, what mistakes you have made, or what trials you face. I care about you. I care about your story , I care about your fears, I care about what makes you happy, sad, angry or even silly.

Sometimes I even care when you clearly don’t.

That can hurt obviously, but within every moment is a life lesson. You were put there for a reason, whether it be a little wee one or part of a bigger picture. Your presence in my life is important on some level and I embrace that. No matter what, I really REALLY want you all to BE HAPPY.

Shit happens, there is nothing you can do about it. You make the choices you make and you live with it. Usually there are no take backs. So take from the moments, move on! Learn! Experience! Be the best human being you can be! If you hurt someone, try to make it right. If you love someone, let them know! If you see passion in someone make sure they are being fuelled with support they deserve.

Hold on to the positive in your life.

You aren’t better then anyone else, and vice versa. We are all phenomenal, we all have hopes and dreams and EVERYONE needs support.It takes more energy to knock someone down then to help them back up 🙂

Share your smile with the world, a stranger may need it more then you think.

xoxo

B

 

 

 

#IamB

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“Look at this stuff, Isn’t it neat?

Wouldn’t you think my collection’s complete?
Wouldn’t you think I’m the girl
The girl who has everything?
Look at this trove
Treasures untold
How many wonders can one cavern hold?
Looking around here you think
Sure, she’s got everything
I’ve got gadgets and gizmos a-plenty
I’ve got whozits and whatzits galore
You want thingamabobs?
I’ve got twenty!
But who cares?
No big deal…I want more…”

Ariel said it best…..

Looking around me at the trinkets and the throw pillows and the closet full of clothes, I have a lot of stuff. Even after purging my entire life in NB I still have so much. My collection just keeps growing! I love my things, everything has its story on how it came to be mine, it may not be a grand story but it is a little tiny piece of my life.

Such an array!  My style is colourful and fresh and textured and curved. I love to have patterns and textures together especially. I think they make me feel calm, though it may drive the more OCD type a little wacko… but hey, I think my life in general could do that to them 😉

I am a creative mind, all of these little things in life keep my head going. Ideas pop up from seeing a crack in the pavement, or just now looking over and seeing the shadow my stilettos from last night are casting across the dark hardwood floors. What a great photo… I’m going to go snap that and be right back 😉

Love it.

See how easily distracted I am, A.D.D is the one to blame, so I have been told.

I was furious with myself when I found out I had A.D.D, I felt that it ruined my life. I thought back to my school years and saw it clear as day, all the day dreaming, doodling and writing I did (not at appropriate writing times, more like math class LOL…) it stood in the way of me being someone completely different! I could have got my shit together and gone to Uni… got a degree, a steady career and lived happily ever after with my perfect little diploma hanging on my perfect wall.

Ha! So not me.

Instead I wondered aimlessly around Canada moving place to place. Picked up and backpacked Australia as well as some of South America, slinging cocktails and beer for mega tips $$$ A little more exciting then spending 4 plus years in an institution that took all my money away from me. Right?

Maybe, but would I still be me if I hadn’t taken that route? Would I still see light and shadows and colours the same way as I do now? I don’t think I would. I admit I did go to school. I took Travel and Hospitality for a year..wee a diploma! That was a waste of time. Then I took Photography for another year..and gee wow got ANOTHER diploma. I have zero idea where either of those are now. Certainly not hanging on my wall.

All that being said, my life is what I have made it. I really like the person I am and I shouldn’t be ashamed of any part of me, like the fact I thrive in chaos, so guess what… I am MESSY. My life moves so quickly I simply don’t have time to always keep things in their “place”. Why should things have a place anyway? As long as I know where that item is it’s all good 😉

I feel my OCD friends cringing.

So, that went in a totally different direction then I was going for this post. What I was aiming for was to say your things don’t define you. The experiences you had while attaining them does. My photo here, the mirror, reflects a perfect bubble of my personality. I just happened to look down while I was rearranging some things in my room and I saw the reflection in the mirror and the surrounding items. The mirror has a huge story of its own. Given to me by my mother about 10 years ago, who bought it from her sister in law. It hung in my apartments in Moncton, Halifax, Fredericton and Saint john even when I lived home for a few months it hung in my childhood bedroom. It isn’t the same mirror it was then… it has had a facelift, my sister in laws sister took it from me and gave it new life. Took off the old frame and made the new rustic wood one and now it waits to be hung in yet another province and city. I will probably hold on to that mirror for life, not because it is pretty and fashionable, but because it carries a lot of my life story in its reflection.

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All the pillows and blankets and paintings may not have such an evolved story but they say a lot for who I am. The colours and textures and patterns giving away my easy breezy, adventure seeking, daydreaming soul I am. It may be much for some, but it is me.

Love me or hate me, #IamB

xoxo

B

 

 

Power

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I went for my first run in Calgary today, I was nervous starting off because I hadn’t attempted it yet. I have done a lot of reading on the change in altitude and how it can effect our health, it’s no Lima but being in the mountain range definitely has its effect on your body. As nervous as I was though, I was nearly jumping out of my skin with excitement!

I started slow, walked up to the trails on the Bow briskly to get my heart rate up and as soon as I stepped foot onto the trails uneven concrete, BAM! It was like a shot of energy ran through my body. I had a stupid grin on my face and I had zero problem with keeping pace just like I did back home. I was confident and feeling kind of bad ass really… My fears of not being able to meet my own standards were gone and I was on cloud nine.

I don’t even know how I started running. I was never a fit kid or a fit young adult, I didn’t really play sports and I knew nothing about anything fitness related at all. I don’t remember the day I started or if it was even a struggle. I just know that now, I am a runner. I am a runner, and a lifter and a proud gym rat… and so eager to learn as much about fitness as I can.

Then there are all of the things fitness has taught me.

Courage.

Something happened in life that made me make this change. I stood up for myself and as a reward I suppose life gave me a new beginning. I see it all as a blur now, and rapid… I just remember waking up one day and being 40 lbs lighter. Literally. That is where it all picks up in my brain. When I truly became conscious of the changes I had made and started to build my life again around those changes.

This is when my courage really kicked in, I joined the gym. I got a personal trainer. I lifted weights… like where on earth did this girl come from? And why did she take so long! My self conscious self had road blocked me my entire life. Very few times did I take a risky road, or a leap of faith. I played it safe. I did only what I KNEW I could and stuck to the shallow end of the pool… so to say.

I still fight that demon, daily. However I now have this voice in my head that says “Fuck it…” and I try. Sometimes I fail, but it only makes me think about what I did wrong and how I can make it work. The times I succeed though, wow…those moments feel AMAZING. I hate to bring in the gym examples (not 😉 cause I know you all love to hear about the gym from all your gym rat friends 😉 The feeling of upping your weights, adding another couple pounds or reps whether it be 5,20, or a plate has become so gratifying to me. It is truly a feeling I have rarely felt. The accomplishment from HARD WORK and persistence I have to say in kind of new to me.

Strength.

You never really think about your strength until you are looking for it. Your strength to believe, your strength to move forward, to face change and to reach for your goals. Just to name a few amongst many others that we hold.

We all have it within us… in every single form that it presents itself. It is how we choose to use it that makes it so powerful.

Strength is the invisible muscle. It doesn’t just appear, you have to work on it. You have to nurture it and train it, rip it apart so it can heal and become better then before. The more you throw at it, the more it will grow. What does that mean? Well, it means, your heart has been broken… it isn’t the first time and maybe not the last, good lord it hurts though. But guess what, that heart ache is growth. Your heart is being torn apart, but a torn muscle if nurtured properly actually is a good thing. It is going to heal and be way better then before. It is going to grow! You are going to be so ready for that next love and your heart is going to be bigger and stronger then ever before, ready for what ever is thrown at it! Whether it be another heart ache (which hey means more growth! YAY!) Or it is going to mean you have met the love of your life and your heart is so big you can give them all the love they deserve and MORE!

Or to step away from the love topic, maybe you are going in for a big job or promotion. It doesn’t pan out in your favour. Are you going to mope around and settle for a job you are unhappy with? Or are you going to press forward in search of the next? You said press forward right…? Of course you did 🙂 Cause guess what, maybe that was a hit to your ego, bruised it up a little bit but you threw a bandaid on that minor dent and looked for positive solutions. Guaranteed you learnt SOMETHING from the experience and you GREW. You are now stronger and ready for the next.

Whatever the scenario, life isn’t easy but the more strength you have at the end of the day the better you will be able to handle it. So, roll with the punches, get beat up a bit, WHAT DOESN’T KILL YOU MAKES YOU STRONGER!! Amirate 😉

Patience.

What’s the saying? Rome wasn’t built in a day…

Now I am BAD for this one. I get ideas in my head and I want them NOW. I need to work on that. I get so frustrated with trying to figure out the path sometimes I give up before I even try. Bad Becca..BAD.

Everything takes some sort of effort, no matter how easy some people make it look. Just because you see someone whip by you in their fancy ass Cadillac as you’re rolling in your sweet Topaz doesn’t mean they got it over night. You need to think about what it took for them to get there and how long. Maybe they started out on the bus, or on foot. Maybe they worked 24/7 for years to get to this point. WARNING GYM ANALOGY** Hey Arnold, were you born with that physique? Hell no! HARD WORK & SACRIFICE got him those pipes! Good on him, the struggle is real!

Either way, how often do you feel good about something you rushed? And how often does it come out right? You need to make plans, and stick to them. Talk yourself into whatever it is you must do, stay late to get that final bit of work done or go in early, work over time go the extra mile! Rise to the occasion and push till defeat… but not final defeat… rest…regroup and round 2!.. or 5 or 10! Just KEEP GOING.

Being powerful within yourself is the biggest blessing a person can have. If you have the strength, courage and patience to defeat your own self doubt you most certainly can trample anyone else negative doubt towards you.

So go get em’ tiger!

Show them (and yourself) what you are made of!

xoxo

B

 

 

 

 

Daydream…. among the shadows

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It’s still so funny to me how the smallest things in life can have such huge impact on your way of thinking.

I have always been a day dreamer, often getting lost in my own worlds for as long as I can remember. Walking home from the school bus and taking detours through the woods so I could imagine tiny worlds living around me full of fairies and magical beetles. Even lying in bed at night I can remember my room transforming into far away lands and getting lost in those spaces I created.

As an adult, life has little time for such imagination. Instead of making up magical little worlds I am engulfed in the real one surrounding me. I still catch myself daydreaming many times a day, but I am lost now in more of a pondering state, how this world has been moulded to where it is now.

We are the backbone of a dream, of many dreams. Especially as Canadians, our country is still so young but has come so far. Our not so distant family members settled this land on their hopes and dreams for us, their future and ours.

It’s so crazy to think where we are and to even try to imagine where we truly came from.

As a photographer, my brain has been trained to see light. And that is exactly how I see the world. Light defines the way I look at just about everything. I can say right now, light has often been the gateway to my daydreams.

Walking around this city keeps my brain very occupied. Passing through the casted shadows of the tall buildings to casting shadows of my own upon the streets below me, creating moving, time sensitive, art.

Looking up has also become a thrill to me. I often stare way above our typical line of view and I can say pretty much every time I have it has made me smile. To see the corner of a building being highlighted by the mid afternoon sun is beautiful. The shadows hugging the corners and curves and defining the architectures visual dreams. Stunning.

Shadows are my favourite.

I feel like they hold their very own story, and you have only a small time frame to figure it out. As with life, it goes so quickly and by the time you figure a portion of it out it is time for everything to change again. Do we ever figure it out? Is that a thing? As you feel like you are getting closer the sun is still moving, the shadow is thinning out and your opportunity is fading. So many missed opportunities.

However, there will be another and you will have learnt to move quicker and make better decisions so when that shadow does fade away you will have taken something from that moment and you can bring it forward with you in the development of your dreams.

Dreams, whether they are daydreams or future dreams or even dreams of the past they are exactly what you make of them. No one is ever going to see your dream as you do, they may listen and visualize what you are saying but they have a very different view in their own heads. You have built these dreams out of who you are and who you want to be. Hold them close and be proud of them, grow them and challenge them. They are yours to chase and mould and see through!

On your next walk to work, or the gym, or to get your morning coffee, look up. Take in what you see, no one is seeing it like you are. Take note of that fact. That is YOUR moment. Now later, on your walk home whether it be after a long day at work or spending some time with a friend, look up again. It isn’t going to feel the same, something has changed. The light has moved, the entire feeling you felt before has been transformed. Life kept moving around you. You are standing in the same spot, but everything is different. Take it in again. This moment is yours, take it in…

Life is to short to stand around and daydream yes… but also life is to short to run around with your chin down and to let the world pass you by. Every step you take in every single direction you are surrounded by dreams, let some of them be yours.

 

XOXO

B